Zell's Wacky Inventions 7:Backwards sdrawkcaB
by Flayme
Summary: After another hilarious accident with yet another wacky machine, the FF8 crew end upwith some visitors they'd rather not have from beyond the mirror, and Dr.Wackybaccy is baccy!


Zell's Wacky inventions 7:Backwards sdrawkcaB  
Roses are red, bluebells are ....errrrrr.....blue, I don't own FF, so nuts to you ^_^!  
Hi fans! It's the 7th wacky inventions fic, and this time it's gonna be chaotic! You lot seem to love Dr.Wackybaccy, so he's baccy again (and there was much rejoycing "yay")! Oh, and I recommend you read other fics before this or you might not get some of the jokes.  
  
(It's yet another seemingly-perfect day in Balamb Garden, the really-annoying-but-strangely-relaxing music is playing, the chocobos are singing, but suddenly, something breaks the peacefulness....)  
BANG! BANG! BANG! THUMP! AGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!! BOOM!!!!  
(Yes folks you guessed it, it's Zell working on another invention)  
  
(In Zell's room, zell's latest machine is lying on the floor. Zell is covered in scorch marks and there's smoke everywhere.)  
Zell:coff Guess it backfired again....  
(He gets out his trusty screwdriver and monkey wrench and starts working on his creation again)  
Zell:You will be mine, Brittany....ohhhh baby you WILL be mine once I've finished this...  
  
(Meanwhile, outside the girls are listening to what he's doing.)  
Selphie:Eeheeheehee.....Zell loves Brittany Spears!  
Rinoa:Well, that's obvious....he's saying "Brittany you'll be mine" I wonder what he's working on?  
Quistis:A love potion? (goes into a daydream involving her, Squall, and a family-size tub of chocolate chip ice-cream) drools Ohhhhh yeeeeaahhhh....  
Selphie:What's with her?  
Rinoa:You'd better not be fantasizing about my Squally again....  
Quistis:(snaps out of it) Oh sorry.....what were we doing?  
Selphie:Being sneaky and eavesdropping on Zell.  
Quistis:Oh yeah...  
Rinoa:Wait girls, listen....he's doing something....  
  
(Back inside Zell's room)  
Zell:Just a little bit more...  
(There's a loud bang and Zell gets covered in black smoke)  
Zell:coff coff I'VE DONE IT!  
  
(outside)  
Selphie:Whatever he's been doing he's finished it now....  
Rinoa:Listen.....Footsteps? Getting closer?  
Quistis:Oh no...this can't be good....  
(Zell comes charging out of his room, forgetting to open the door. The door comes off it's hinges for about the 38th time and squashes the three girls)  
Zell:I DID IT! I DIIIIIIIIID IIIIIIIIIT!!!! I AM THE GREATEST!!!! (goes running off down the hallway)  
(Selphie lifts up the door, her, Quistis and Rinoa are totally squashed flat, as in paper-thin cartoony flat)  
Selphie:I'm feeling a bit run down....  
Rinoa:Someone get me a bike pump...  
Quistis:OK drop the corny jokes already!!!  
Selphie:Hey look, oragami! (she's folded Rinoa into the shape of a bird)  
Quistis:I wouldn't do that if I were you....you never know when she's going to return to...  
(Rinoa goes 3D again and she looks like a human pretzel)  
Quistis:...normal  
Selphie:Oops..  
Rinoa:Hey....A LITTLE HELP HERE!?!?!? Someone call the boy scouts!!! They've tied me in a granny knot!!!  
(Selphie and Quistis go 3D again and untie Rinoa)  
Rinoa:That's better....  
Selphie:Let's go see where Zell went!  
(They run off in the direction Zell went)  
  
(They find Zell in the cafeteria, and he's babbling to the others about his new invention and about Brittany Spears)  
Squall:So, what you're trying to say is that you've invented a machine that can bring things like drawings to life?  
Zell:YEP!  
Squall:And you're gonna bring your Brittany Spears cardboard cut-out to life?  
Zell:YEP!  
Irvine:(bursts out laughing) HAHAHAHAAAA!! THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD!!!! EVEN IF YOU DID BRING BRITTANY SPEARS TO LIFE, I DOUBT SHE'D WANNA GO ON A DATE WITH YOU!!!!!!!! HAHAHA!!!!  
Zell:Oh Irvine...  
Irvine:(laughing so hard he's crying) Yeah?  
Zell:You've forgotten about what I just created yesterday...  
Irvine:What was that?  
Zell:THIS!   
(he pulls what looks like a mini-version of the shrink ray from Zell's Wacky Inventions 2 out of his pocket)  
Irvine:Now Zell.....don't do anything crazy, man....  
Selphie:Watch out Irvy! He just might be crazy enough to do it!  
Zell:You're right.....I AM CRAZY ENOUGH TO DO IT!!!!  
(the ray hits Irvine who shrinks)  
Irvine:Nooooooooooo!!  
Selphie:Irvy!!!!  
Zell:Anyone else wanna make me mad?  
All:...........  
Zell:Good....  
(Selphie picks up Irvine who is about 2 inches tall)  
Selphie:Oh Irvy....are you alright? (she starts to cry)  
Irvine:Yeah, I guess so.....don't cry, Selph....I still love you even if you're about 100 times higher than me...  
Selphie:Awwwww...that's so sweet...  
(She glares at Zell and suddenly looks scarier than Ultimecia!)  
Selphie:ZELL!!!!!!! YOU REVERSE THAT THING RIGHT NOW!!!!!!  
Zell:(sweatdrop) Alright already...don't have a cow...  
(he returns Irvine to normal)  
Selphie:THAT'S BETTER!!!!  
Zell:eep...  
Quistis:Where's this thing you were talking about then?  
Zell:Oh yeah, it's in my room. I'll show you.  
Rinoa:Why do I know that something bad's gonna happen?  
  
(in Zell's room, there's a Brittany Spears cut-out in front of Zell's new machine. Selphie's got her chicobo (the same one from Zell's wacky inventions 6) with her)  
Chicobo:WARK! WARKWARK!  
Zell:Selphie, tell that dumb bird to shut it....I don't want this one to go wrong...  
Chicobo:WARK!  
Selphie:Shhhhhh....  
Zell:OK....date with Brittany, here I come....3.....  
(The chicobo wanders away from selphie and sniffs the machine)  
Zell:......2......  
(The chicobo pulls a lever)  
Zell:....1......  
(The machine turns towards the mirror)  
Zell:ON!  
(He turns on the machine and it begins to power up)  
Zell:SHIT! IT'S POINTIN THE WRONG WAY!!!  
Machine:Actvation in 5 seconds and counting...  
(Zell franticly presses the off button)  
Zell:IT'S STUCK!!!!  
Machine:3.....2.....1.....activating.  
All:SHIT!  
Zell:IT'S GONNA BLOW!!!!  
Squall:HIT THE DIRT!!  
(They all duck as the machine sends out a red beam that hits the mirror followed by a huge explosion)  
  
(Squall opens his eyes. He saw someone run out through the door, but he couldn't make out who it was. The person yelled strange words that Squall didn't understand as he heard him/her run down the hallway.)  
Squall:Are you guys alright?  
Selphie:We're OK!  
Zell:NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  
Squall:Huh?  
(Zell looks over at his life-size Brittany Spears cardboard cut out....or where the bottom half of it is)  
Zell:BRITTANY!!! WHY???????????  
(Zell bursts into tears and hugs what's left of the cut-out.)  
Irvine:Well.....at least you made it, Zelly-boy....  
Zell:DON'T TALK TO ME COWBOY!!!! ME AND BRITTANY NEED TO BE ALONE!!!!  
Rinoa:Touchy...  
Irvine:Someone needs to get this guy a girlfriend.....FAST!  
Squall:I think I saw someone run out of here and down the hallway....if we're all here, then who was that?  
Zell:sniff Do you think it sob might've been Brittany?  
Quistis:Could be...  
Zell:RACE YA!  
(he runs out of the room so fast he sets the carpet on fire)  
Squall:Nice one Quistis. At least that's stopped him crying over that dumb piece of cardboard...  
Quistis:No problem. Now let's go and find out who that was before Zell sets anything else on fire...  
  
(Somewhere else in garden.....uuuummmm.....let's just say in the hallway. Someone who looks EXACTLY like Squall is running down the hallway, with someone who looks exactly like Rinoa following him)  
????#1:!!!!!!AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAWB !!!!!sDeeS LLA LLIK (=translation) KILL ALL SeeDs! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!  
????#2:!!!!LLIK LLIK LLIK !!!!TASL TA EERF FREE AT LAST!!!! KILL KILL KILL!!!!  
(Nida, who unfortunately (yeah, right...) died in Zell's wacky inventions 5, has been brought back to life a phoenix down )  
Nida:That you Squall?  
????#1:!!!!LLIK TSUM EW !!!LLIK LLIK KILL KILL!!! WE MUST KILL!!!!  
Nida:Why are you talking that way?  
????#2:(gets out a chainsaw) !!!!EID DIE!!!!  
Nida:AGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
(In the hospital wing, Dr.Wackybaccy (yes folks, he's baccy again!) is lazing around smoking a spliff in his usual way, when Nida bursts in through the door and slams it behind him)  
Dr.Wackybaccy:Nida! Wassup with you, mon? You look like you've had some bad weed, mon!  
Nida:Its...puff pant Squall....and Rinoa! They've gone mental!! Rinoa's got....pant....A CHAINSAW!!!!  
Dr.Wackybaccy:You need to calm down mon, here, take dis spliff, and take a deep breath....that's good mon. Smell that sweet pot mon!  
(Evil Rinoa suddenly breaks down the door and cuts Nida in half with her chainsaw)  
Nida:AGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!  
Dr.Wackybaccy:Oh my god mon, they killed Nida!  
Evil Squall:!!!!TI FO DUORP DNA !!!!SDRATSAB RE'EW WE'RE BASTARDS!!!! AND PROUD OF IT!!!!  
Dr.Wackybaccy:This can't be good, mon..  
  
(Meanwhile, in the cafeteria Zell runs in and sees a blonde girl standing near a wall)  
Zell:Brittany?  
????#3:.....  
Zell:Hello? Who are you?  
(The blonde hands Zell a buisness card)  
Zell:Quistis Trepe....F.E.A.R (Federation for Exterminating All dirty Rats.....this means you!) "We'll kill you four times before you hit the floor" ......you're not Brittany....are you?  
Evil Quistis:(gets out a huge axe) !!!!UOY ETATIPACED EM TEL LET ME DECAPTITATE YOU!!  
Zell:*I don't know what she just said, but I don't like the way she said it!* Ummm....BYE!  
(Zell runs out just as fast as he ran in)  
Evil Quistis:!!!!!DAEH RUOY FFO TUC OT TNAW YLNO I !!!KCAB EMOC COME BACK!!! I ONLY WANT TO CUT OFF YOUR HEAD!!!!!  
  
(The other characers are trying to follow Zell, when they hear cursing and yelling coming from the hospital wing)  
Irvine:What's that?  
Rinoa:It sound like it's Dr.Wackybaccy!  
Selphie:Who?  
Irvine:sigh The nice man who saved your chicobo....  
Selphie:Oh, HIM..  
Squall:Let's go check it out..  
  
(The others run into Dr.Wackybaccy's office and see him up on a chair, throwing books at Evil Squall and Rinoa)  
Dr.Wackybaccy:(throws another book) Not only do these books make my office look like REAL office, they also make good missiles, mon!  
Squall:What the hell? That's ME!  
Evil Squall:!!!!EID YCCABYKCAW EID DIE WACKYBACCY DIE!!!!  
Dr.Wackybaccy:Why do you hate me, mon? Iz it because I iz black?  
Evil Squall:!!!!EID DIE!!!!  
Dr.Wackybaccy:I'm all out of stuff to throw, mon! I guess this is goodbye, mon!  
(He runs towards a nearby window and jumps through it)  
Dr.Wackybaccy:JAMAICA FOREVER MON!!!!!  
Selphie:(leans out of the window) NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Nida has been revived again and is walking around outside...he just happens to be right underneath the window of Dr.Wackyaccy's office when....)  
Voice:JAMAICA FOREVER MON!!!!!  
Nida:Huh?  
(he looks up and Dr.Wackybaccy falls on him, killing him for the 3rd time)  
Selphie;(still leaning out of the window) OH MY GOD! HE KILLED NIDA!  
Dr.Wackybaccy:I'm a bastard mon...  
Nida:I'm not dead yet!  
Dr.Wackybaccy:BAD CORPSE, MON! (he kicks Nida's head in and he dies)  
Selphie:OH MY GOD! HE KILLED NIDA.....AGAIN!  
  
(Back in Dr.Wackybaccy's office)  
Evil Squall:!!!EID TSUM sDeeS LLA ALL SeeDs MUST DIE!!!  
Quistis:TAKE THIS!  
(Quistis whips Evil Rinoa, but the good Rinoa gets hurt)  
Rinoa:OWWWW!!!  
Quistis:Huh?  
Rinoa:FIRE!  
(A fireball hits evil Squall in the ass but good Squall dances around like HIS ass is on fire)  
Squall:OWOWOWOWOWWWWW!!!!  
Evil Rinoa:!SU TRUH T'NAC UOY !SLOOF FOOLS! YOU CAN'T HURT US!  
(Evil Squall charges at them with his gunblade drawn)  
Evil Squall:!!LEETS ETSAT TASTE STEEL!!  
Squall:I never thought I'd have to say this.....RUN AWAY!!!  
(they all run off)  
  
(The other characters are running along the hallway, when suddenly they collide with Zell)  
Zell:QUISTIS HAS AN EVIL TWIN!!!! SHE'S GOT AN AXE!!  
Selphie:THERE'S AN EVIL SQUALL AND RINOA RUNNING AROUND WITH A CHAINSAW!!  
Squall:Where are they all coming from?  
(Suddenly, an evil Zell and Irvine jump out from behind a corner)  
Evil Zell:!!!SSUW-NEKCIHC LLIK TSUM MUST KILL CHICKEN-WUSS!!!  
Evil Irvine:!TUO SNAIRB REY WOLB LL'I DNA PETS EROM ENO ONE MORE STEP AND I'LL BLOW YER BRAINS OUT!  
All (exept evil characters):MORE EVIL TWINS!!!! RUN!!!!  
  
(They all run into the janitor's closet)  
Squall:What's going on?  
Selphie:Why do all these evil people look like us?  
Zell:Uh-oh  
Irvine:Whaddaya mean, Uh-oh?  
Zell:When that ray hit the mirror....It must've brought our reflections to life...  
Squall:WHAT???? DIE!!!!!  
(Rinoa and quistis hold Squall back, who looks ready to explode, trying to stop him killing Zell, who is cowering in the corner of the closet)  
Squall:LET ME AT IM!!!! LET GO!!!  
Selphie:The evil twins will know we're in here! Someone shut him up!  
Rinoa:Silence!  
(she casts silence on Squall, who is suddenly unable to make a sound)  
Squall:.....!!!!!!!! GRRRRR!!!!!!!  
Irvine:You remind me of Ward...  
Squall: ..........!!!!!!! unspeakable profanities  
Zell:So now what?  
Squall:....! ....! .....!!!!  
Quistis:I think Squall says he has an idea...  
(Quistis uses an Echo Screen on Squall)  
Squall:This is what we do....first we...inaudible whispers ..then we...  
  
(In the hallway, Evil Zell, Evil Irvine and Evil Selphie are looking for the charaters)  
Evil Selphie:...ereh eb ot mees t'nod yehT They don't seem to be here...  
Evil Irvine:!!!GNIKOOL PEEK KEEP LOOKING!!!  
Evil Zell:?taht s'tahW What's that?  
(The evil trio see a "Playdude" magazine, a bag of skittles and a hot dog on the floor)  
Evil Selphie:!!!YDNAC CANDY!!!  
Evil Irvine:!!!EDUDYALP PLAYDUDE!!!  
Evil Zell:!!!GOD TOH HOT DOG!!!  
(They run towards the objects but they move away from them. The evil trio don't notice that the items are attached to a hook on a fishing rod)  
All three:!!!!!KCAB EMOC COME BACK!!!!!  
(They follow the items round a corner where the good Zell, Selphie and Irvine tie them up)  
Zell:Three down, three more to go...  
  
(Outside the libary, Evil Rinoa and Quistis arealso looking for them)  
Evil Rinoa:?YEHT REA EREHW WHERE ARE THEY?  
(They notice a photo of Squall on the floor)  
Evil Quistis:!ENIM S'TI IT'S MINE!  
Evil Rinoa:!!TSRIF TI WAS I I SAW IT FIRST!!  
Evil Quistis:!ENIM MINE!  
Evil Rinoa:!ENIM,ON NO,MINE!  
(The two of them start fighting, and while they're not looking Quistis and Rinoa (the good ones) cast sleep on them and tie them up)  
  
(Later, they managed to catch Evil Squall with a photo of Rinoa and a fishing line. They had tied up all the evil characters and were getting ready to send them back)  
Evil Selphie:!!!OOOOOOOOOOOON NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
Zell:OK....the machine's all set up.  
Machine:5....4......3......2....  
Evil Squall:!!KCAB EB LL'EW WE'LL BE BACK!!  
Machine:1......activating.  
(There was a huge burst of red light and the evil characters got sucked back into the mirror)  
Rinoa:At least that's all over....  
Zell:This thing is dangerous....I'm trashin it...  
  
(Later, Seifer is rummaging through the trash..it's one of his embarrassing habits, they thought it was a monster that was doing it)  
Seifer:Dum de dum de dum....hello....what's this?  
(he finds Zell's machine buried in the trash)  
Seifer:Must be one of those things that chicken-wuss made...  
(he kicks it and the machine sends out a beam of red light that hits a piece of broken mirror, someone who looks like Seifer appears)  
Seifer:What the....?  
Good Seifer:!YALP S'TEL LET'S PLAY! (gives Seifer a hug) ALALALALAL !!!EEH EHH HEE HEE!!! LALALALALA  
Seifer:AGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
END! ^_^  
  
  
  
In memory of Nida: "Thank god he's gone that freeloading bastard" -Zell   
R.I.P-Rot in pieces (lol) Died 15th March 2001 (for the 3rd time)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
